We know the importance of positive parenting, but we neglect many things that our child needs, and we have an excuse for this, we do not have time because we are busy “making their lives better.
In the meantime, we are away and want them to understand why we do not have time for them. Why don’t we ask ourselves some questions like,
What if they learned to live without us? And what if they did not? My questions are simple. Eventually, we will get answers either from ourselves or our children.
It was my 3rd class that day, I was having a long tiring day at university, so I was thinking about going to my hostel to rest.
I and my roommate; were planning not to cook for today and have something from the mess. Meanwhile, the phone of my friend started ringing. We were in class, so he just declined the call.
After a couple of moments, my phone started ringing. I was surprised because the caller was the same. He was the elder brother of my friend. His brother was out of town for an official visit. I asked him why he was calling me.
We were shocked. We knew that must be an emergency, so it was.
His brother told us to go to The Central hospital because he had received a call from them. His tone rang bells in my mind. I knew something was wrong. He could not explain much, so we went there to find out what had happened.
After a few minutes, we were at the reception, trying to find the patient and their condition. The receptionist handed us some papers and told us to sign. We were signing them to take the dead body.
It was a terrible situation, but we had no other option. After all the requirements, they let us take the dead body. I was with the ambulance when we entered their town. I cannot explain the emotions in words.
Her 12-year-old son Ali was crying and trying to wake her up. He kept repeating, mama, if you are angry, you can punish me, but don’t go.
Someone tried to console him by telling him, “your mama is sleeping” don’t cry. He replied she must be upset with me because if she were sleeping, she would have to wake up after hearing me cry.
His father came to calm him down. He said, No, she is in a deep sleep, we should not disturb her, but you will meet in heaven.
Ali: In heaven. Then what about this world?
Nobody had anything to say. I just hugged him and asked sorry. It was all I could do.
When the whole city died
The funeral ceremony was at 5 PM. So We went to the graveyard before 5. There were only a few people left after the funeral. My friend and I had to stay there a long to get things done.
Ali (her son) was reluctant to go back home. He wanted to stay there and was allowed by his father to stay there and can come home with us.
Gravedigger was busy filling and planting grass in the cemetery while Ali started helping him with his bare hands.
He looked at him, a bit worried at first. He asked Ali to stay away, but Ali refused several times and kept helping him. Gravedigger turned and asked us, Have you ever witnessed a whole city die at once?
That was a little confusing. I could not understand what the gravedigger was trying to ask.
Gravedigger: “being a bit sarcastic” Have you ever witnessed a whole city die at once?
Me: With confusion, I replied, Nah, Never.
Gravedigger: Ali did.
Gravedigger: Losing a mother is losing the whole city, his mother died, and for him, the city is dead now.
Time flies. Months passed, and my friend brought Ali with him. I’ve seen him in a while, and I was shocked to see him. He was not the same Ali that I used to know. He was weak and a psychopath. We took him to a psychiatrist for the counseling session. Lots of counseling sessions and medicines could not help him.
We all knew the problem was parenting. Ali’s Dr. asked about his father. We told him his father was usually out of town. So he could not manage to visit you. Dr. asked me to make a call to his father and let him talk to his father. I called his father and asked him to chat with the doctor.
Ali’s Father tried to explain that he is usually out of town and often doesn’t have any time.
Doctor: Listen, Man, I wanted you to know that I cannot help your child.
Ali’s Father: What happened? Why?
Doctor: If you cannot help him, how am I supposed to help him?
Ali’s Father: What do you mean? I am here, out of town, working hard for Ali, trying to earn so that I can pay his fee, pay you and give him a good life.
Doctor: Listen, Sir! If you have time for him, there is no need to pay me. You have to give him time as his mother did. You have to teach him what life is all about. So I am sorry I cannot help your son. A lame excuse that I do not have time for Ali because I am away to earn to make his life better. Does he live a life? Do you think so? He does not have any. He is just a breathing entity.
Conclusion, where life exists?
Parenthood is not as simple as it seems. Firstly we need to keep consequences in our mind. Secondly, you should believe that you are a whole city, a world to your child. Thirdly, your child’s world starts with you. It should be like a garden, not a nightmare. If you are not there for your child, if you do not have time for your child, his life will start from you but will be t by this society. We all can imagine how his life will be. Simply it will be as dark as a cemetery.
The choice is all yours. Get yourself up and be there for your child, have time for them, listen to your child, and stop expecting your child to be intelligent like you. It took you 30 or 40, or 50 years to be that smart. Be his heavenly city. Positive Parenting matters.
Remember, When a whole city is dead, the leftover is just a blank paper. We cannot predict who will write and what it will be.